My horrible story!!!! Someone please help me:(?

There were 2 guys in my life.I loved the first guy for 4 years. In our third year I started getting interest towards another guy as he was too loving and affectionate towards me and my actual boyfriend was showing lack of interest towards me. I told abt my feelings to the second guy not with an intention to ditch my boyf friend but just felt like shedding my feelings to him as we were moving to different places that time.But he broke my heart saying that he was thinking me as his sister. I am sure he dint think like that. But he said that.Infact he was the one who gave me the feelings.A girl knows. Days passed.. I could nt continue my relationship with my actual bf(first guy) because I realised I dont have any feelings for him. I dont know why but I love the second guy more than anything in this world. I tried a lot to change my feelings and emotions but its so impossible for me so I broke up with the guy with whom I was in relationship with for 4 years. And one more important thing the second guy is already married. I made my life a mess. I dont know how to come out. Its not that I want the second guy in my life.. I dont want to spoil his family life but I always feel that he should atleast tell that he also had the same feelings for me and he never thought me as a sister. I know this is full of crap.. I am a bad girl and a cheater i know.. But this is what i feel..I dont know how to come out of this terrible thing. I am going mad of the second guy. I cant think of any other guy in my life.. Feel like dying.. my life is a complete mess.. Is there any way I can attain some peace in my life????????????